Summer Chats

In London, summer holiday is almost over...

Alma and I had been on the phone quite a lot this summer. Things we talk about? making and amending plans, constructive or sometimes creative talks, relating to each other's daily events, be it major or minor, or simply some regular, healthy but insignificant women’s gossips.


We were on the phone for 5 straight hours 2 weekends ago. Other times, we would speak for at least 1 or 2 hours. Yeah, I too, was very surprised I was able to be on the phone for such a long stretch of time, since long hours had always been my struggle.

We often speak around 4:00am, Singapore time; which is also 9:00pm, London time. Thanks to my newly-revamped bedtime hours.

Of course, we aren’t always able to do this. There are times whereby I wish to sleep in a little more or that she was totally drained from her day schedule.

In whichever case, all these talks had been as therapeutic to me, as my usual writing times. Afterall, women talk to de-stress.

It’s amazing how we had come so far with just phone calls, texts and emails. I’m so pleased to know we are still staying on the same page and speaking the same language, after all these years.

All the best to our plans - Plans that are in action, plans that are in the queue, plans that are in the process, plans that are happenning and plans that are still brewing... :)

Brahms' Birthday 2010

Had decided to give myself a quiet treat on Johannes Brahms' birthday today. It's been a habit since i started to adore him many years back... Brahms loved strong black coffee with sweet rolls, but i'd love to have a different combination every year~

Had made a little wish, on Brahms' behalf... but for my sake... :)

I chose a pretty and cosy corner... perfect for book, cake and an afternoon latte~ :)

Brahms’s Museum 2000

This happened in Hamburg 10 years ago.

I was planning to visit Brahms' museum in Hamburg but had mistaken a particular address as it, only to realise my mistake when I arrived. I then went around asking for the correct location, but no one seemed to know... Finally, a receptionist from a concert hall tended to my queries and pointed to me (on the map) the correct location of the museum.

Pleasantly surprised, it was only a 20-minutes walk from where I then was. However, when I'd arrived at the museum, (it's a very small museum, approximately the size of 2 Singapore shop houses) I buzzed the doorbell for a couple of minutes but there was no answer. I buzzed it again but still, there was no reply. That was when I noticed a little German note sticking at the door - the museum only opens on Tuesday and Thursday, from 10am to 1pm. I glanced at my watch immediately, which read Thursday, 1:25pm.

I had already made plans to move on to Hannover the very next day, and 2 days later to Vienna. Then I would get back to London and head back to Singapore 3 days after. Hence, I wasn’t prepared to make any alterations to my plans and bookings and stayed over the weekend to make it for the museum the following Tuesday.

Which means, I have to give Johannes Brahms Museum a miss!!!

I couldnt believe what had happened! There was no way I could accept it and I was honestly, absolutely unprepared for it!

How could my long awaited Johannes Brahms museum brushed past my shoulder just like that? I went around the nearby shops asking if there were other possible ways of entering the museum; I phoned the museum, buzzed the doorbell, but no, nothing changed.

I cried outside the museum, for a good whole 45 minutes!

I cried like a kid unable to grab her toy; I refused to leave; I couldn't bear to leave; and I was reluctant to leave!

After the long cry, though I wasn’t totally convinced, I had finally decided to come to term with reality. Anyway, there was absolutely nothing I could do on my side. My closest encounter with Brahms was at the entrance of the museum, a sculpture i could vaguely see through from the thick-glass door.

It was so near, yet seemed so far!!! :'(

My mood was dampened the whole day, and I was extremely extremely sad. However, at the back of my mind, I believed there must be a reason behind this entire encounter, about why I should miss this museum. I firmly believed.

There wasn’t any concrete reasoning at that point to support the way I felt, but I knew for sure there must be a reason which wasn’t explicitly made known to me at that particular moment - I might get to know it the very next minute or perhaps many years later, or even never at all. In whichever case, I believed there must be a reason.

Later that evening, I was scribbling on my diary when a thought suddenly dawned upon me – Brahms’s life had been unofficially ruled by the thought of ‘so near yet so far’, especially with his love for Clara Schumann. And by feeling so intensely about ‘so near yet so far’, I was actually getting a glimpse of his thoughts and a glimpse of the summary of his life!!!!!

That is, by not able to gain entry to his museum, I was actually a step closer to his world!

With that thought, I was thrilled, close to tears and was most thankful. :')

To travel from Hamburg to Vienna all by myself was a romantic dream comes true. I was extraordinarily pleased that I did it at that point of my life. It was something I had wanted to accomplish, and it was a dream fulfilled. It might not make sense to many people that Johannes Brahms was the only reason why I travelled that far, but I didn't think it matters.

What matter was I had always wanted to see what he had seen; had always wanted to walk where he had walked; wanted to coffee where he had coffeed and continue to love what he had loved...

I had also longed to get closer to him - his world, his thoughts, his emotions... And the ironic part was, all these were fulfilled only by not able to gain entry to his museum!

So, even though I wasn’t physically closer to his museum, I was emotionally closer to his thoughts and life. I'm contented enough.

I couldn't describe how thankful I was. And I still am :')

Footnote:
On my second visit, I finally get to go into the museum. That was 11 years later :')
~ Brahms Museum 2011

Fate & Time

时间常常因为缘分而关闭或暂时关闭，
而缘分又总是为了时间而开启或永不开启。

Because of fate, time shuts the door or temporarily shuts the door...
Because of time, fate opens the door or temporarily opens the door...

I used to think fate is the most important element, transforming itself in various modes, from events to events.

I recently discovered timing is just as crucial!

Puzzle

Puzzle fascinates me!

In many ways, it resembles what happens around us, and the people around us.

Every right piece would take us a step closer to the picture; so does every wrong piece, as it confirms what is not right.

There are people who like to begin a puzzle by searching pieces for the corners; while others prefer to find corners for the pieces.

There are people who thrive to avoid mistakes right from the very beginning; while others go easy and allow themselves with any mistakes they make.

There are people who only allow themselves to make a mistake once; while others repeatedly make mistakes. Worse are those who repeatedly make the same mistakes.

There are people who prefer to begin from fixing the corners; some prefers to start fixing from the edges; while others simply cruise and fix along without much clues and rules about where they are heading.

There are people who determined to fix with careful calibration; while others simply go along with reckless wild guesses.

There are times we can’t find what we want; there are also times where we keep stumbling across what we do not want.

There are times when the right seems wrong and the wrong seems right. It’s all due to our positioning, perceptions and blind spots at one particular moment.

The amazinging thing that moved me is – despite the very similar in shapes for all pieces, there is only ONE missing piece to each missing part. Comfortably fitted, like Cinderella in her glass slipper.

That’s fate, to me.

A beautifully captivating one.

Brewing

I’m beginning to like the word ‘Brewing’.
It comprises of time, distance, wait and anticipation.

Many things are being forced to slow down, in the process of brewing.

Slowing down doesn’t have to feel like holding back. It can be an opportunity to create a space between a certain object in focus, to chill our thought, also to calm our mind.
This process produces energy.
Such is the energy that gives rise to many unexpected inspirations and strength.
Which in turn, perhaps, generates more brewing...

Slow, is a new speed! ;)

Unfinished

I did a totally bizarre thing at the concert last evening featuring Schubert’s Symphony No. 8 and Mozart Requiem – I was tearing from the audience seat, right from beginning to the very end, with intermittent yawning, possibly from the exhaustion of crying.

I wasn't feeling crumpy when the first movement of Schubert’s Symphony No. 8 was playing across the stage, yet tears just fell uncontrollably; I recalled similar emotional entanglement on my first close encounter with this movement - alternating my mood between strolling on the cloud and walking in the thunderstorm had, for some reasons, touched me so much that i eventually have to break down into tears, as I was totally unprepared for that repeated back and forth journey between the cheerful melody and the melancholic notes. I remembered feeling so annoyed with this movement and with Schubert; yet at the same time, feeling speechlessly beautiful and utterly complete.

My beloved Mozart Requiem came in right after the intermission. Being my third live encounter yet hearing it for the first time in Singapore, I was filled with much anticipation. I knew I am at my weakest, from the past two experiences, whenever this piece performs right before my eyes. As expected, I was sobbing and frowning at the same time, and was making a conscious effort to sniff silently so as not to produce any disturbing noise to my neighbouring audiences.

Both Schubert and Mozart had unintentionally sealed the fate of their unfinished masterpieces. And in our era, unfinished matters don’t seem uncommon too, for many people.

Unfinished matters, acting like a connector, as well as a junction, seem to be putting together what will happen in the future and what had happened in the past. And this could well appear to be so interestingly moving – it, on one hand, behaves like an answer; yet on the other hand, leading to more answers.

What happens at this moment could well be the bearing of what had once happened; it could also be the clues of the many future possible happenings…

Timing, a crucially critical element in that whole string of happenings, as well as not happenings. What should have happened 10 years ago chose its perfect timing to happen just 10 minutes before, simply illustrates how things, always happen for a reason, would fall into places on their own when timing turns right.

A fine example would be the creation of this blog and the birth of QuarterNotez.

Thank you Timing. :)