My hidden date - Clara Schumann Hall

Despite my excitement, certain bit of insecurity still managed to creep in when I arrived at (the magical) Frankfurt airport! It was such mixed feeling. And I couldn't quite explain why I felt that way. I started to be unsure about my 'hidden date' with Clara Schumann.

Is it really happening? Am I really leaving the airport, taking a taxi and hoping to get to a Date which had given me no prior physical confirmation or whatsoever? Are all these thoughts purely what I had imagined? Or are they gonna happened for real? What if I arrive and see no Clara Schumann? And hall? :'(

Before long, I realized I was literally trying to delay myself and procrastinate my leave from the airport - I went to the washroom three times in a row,  insisted on using the airport wifi when I have my own phone data, loitered aimlessly in Facebook, repeatedly checked my email mailbox... it did take me quite a while to muster up enough courage before I decided to join the queue and hopped into a taxi which brought me right to my destination in less than 15 minutes. I was still in a daze.

Ah... after much delay and wait and anticipation, I arrived at my date... :)

Clara Schumann Hall!!!

Woooo~ so this was the woman Brahms had loved his whole entire life... I stood in front of her sculpture so as to have a closer look at her... and I had stood and stared at her for a pretty long long long long while... I just wished to admire what Brahms had loved... and I will continue loving her... oh yes, of course, I had asked what was 'the message' that she had wanted to tell me, having summoned me all the way from Singapore to Frankfurt... and yes of course, she was quiet, as what I had expected - such stillness in the air reminded me of Brahms' silence when I tucked a bunch of yellow flowers in his arm, at his grave in Vienna several years ago :') 

[Happenings/ messages/ words more than often need time to settle themselves down, then be transported via various routes and channel... I still firmly believe all happenings have their moment of happening… I shall wait :)]

To my astonishment and pleasant surprise, I was left alone, for quite some time, to explore the hall all by myself, because the receptionist of the hall was busy tending to other matters... I browsed through the entire hall, front and back stage, and I enjoyed some private time with my diary while seated at one of the audience seats!

And did I mention I had quietly, secretly and unofficially reserved my favourite seat at Clara Schumann Hall :)) That was a huge pleasure, at least for that moment and for my many looking-back moments :))

A correspondence between Brahms and Clara that warmed my heart so much... the situation was simple - he wanted to give her a sum of money... he wrote with such gentleness and light-heartedness, full of affection, appreciation and respect; she rejected his offer, sent her words across in a tone with gratitude and pride, yet at the same time, full of affection, appreciation and respect :')

以下的两封来回书信让我异常动容 :')
他想给她一笔钱。说得如此轻描淡写、轻如鸿毛、深情体贴却又不失尊重。
她说不。说得如此温柔委婉、毅然决然、有尊严有技巧却又尽显感动。:')

Brahms Museum 2011

As soon as Alma suggested we should visit this museum again. I went completely quiet. I mean yes, I would love to, without a doubt, yet on the other hand, I think I was afraid, and was somehow nervous. 

I remembered asking myself repeatedly, do I really need to set foot into that museum, which had, in a way, completed my dream 11 years ago? Though I didn't get to go into the museum on my last visit, I had fulfilled and realised what I had in mind, and to me, I feel complete. And I was/am totally happy. 

By getting in to the museum physically, would I be adding or subtracting the happiness and completeness that I had once felt so strongly about?

I was contemplating, very hard. 

All things around us are constantly moving forward and accumulating themselves, in a complex manner my intellect wouldn't quite understand. So the process of adding new memories to the old, doesn't necessarily and shouldn't make the old ones disappear, or get smaller; instead it could probably enrich the older memories, by giving it more space, more textures, more width and more colours… I later figured I should let all events unfold before me in a quiet way they would and they should, rather than holding on to what I thought was sufficient, then consciously stop all forms of accumulating…

I then decided to go along with the flow, to investigate what life had in stored for me… :))

I regconised this sign board...

And i regconised this path... and for that few minutes, i felt nervous... both happy and overwhelmed... :')

This is Johannes Brahms Museum~ :)))) I was standing at the front door... and for one moment, i was a little afraid and hesistant to buzz the bell...

Good Old Brahms ;)

Awwwww… at last… ~ :')

This museum was actually one of his many homes. This is the hall. It isn't big, and i had snapped shot almost all the displays… :P

Me and Brahms!!! finally.

In the washroom of my favourite, beloved museum~
This photo, this place and the time spent here (i mean the museum) meant a lot to me~~ :)

That was how Brahms looked like when he died... he had clearly lost a lot of weight!!! :'(

Something exciting!!! I signed on the museum's autograph!!! Which means, what I write, would serve as a tiny little connection with Brahms, that would be kept in one corner of the museum, forever… :)))

That was the pen provided... looked pretty though, but i preferred my own pen :P

That moment~ :)
I was actually very overwhelmed at that point of writing... i was less than calm.
I signed the autograph in Chinese.
That was because I greedily wished Brahms could remember me in a way I wish he would remember me ;)

A rough translation:
Something chooses to not happen eleven years ago; Something chooses to only happen eleven years later. Whichever way it goes; whatever direction it takes, there must be a unique reason of its own... While the beauty of both moments might not be similar; the thankfulness at heart always stays the same :)

A last glance (for now), before i left... :)

Brahms Museum, from far... with alma in the picture... :)

Brahms Birthday 2011

As usual... celebrated Johannes Brahms' birthday with just myself... and waiting in great anticipation to see him in June... :)

Didn't have Brahms' favourite coffee though, had tea instead... and made wishes on his behalf, but for me... :)

It was quiet, peaceful, spacious... yet not lonely... I was extremely thankful :) Happy Birthday Brahms :)

Brahms' Birthday 2010

Had decided to give myself a quiet treat on Johannes Brahms' birthday today. It's been a habit since i started to adore him many years back... Brahms loved strong black coffee with sweet rolls, but i'd love to have a different combination every year~

Had made a little wish, on Brahms' behalf... but for my sake... :)

I chose a pretty and cosy corner... perfect for book, cake and an afternoon latte~ :)

Brahms’s Museum 2000

This happened in Hamburg 10 years ago.

I was planning to visit Brahms' museum in Hamburg but had mistaken a particular address as it, only to realise my mistake when I arrived. I then went around asking for the correct location, but no one seemed to know... Finally, a receptionist from a concert hall tended to my queries and pointed to me (on the map) the correct location of the museum.

Pleasantly surprised, it was only a 20-minutes walk from where I then was. However, when I'd arrived at the museum, (it's a very small museum, approximately the size of 2 Singapore shop houses) I buzzed the doorbell for a couple of minutes but there was no answer. I buzzed it again but still, there was no reply. That was when I noticed a little German note sticking at the door - the museum only opens on Tuesday and Thursday, from 10am to 1pm. I glanced at my watch immediately, which read Thursday, 1:25pm.

I had already made plans to move on to Hannover the very next day, and 2 days later to Vienna. Then I would get back to London and head back to Singapore 3 days after. Hence, I wasn’t prepared to make any alterations to my plans and bookings and stayed over the weekend to make it for the museum the following Tuesday.

Which means, I have to give Johannes Brahms Museum a miss!!!

I couldnt believe what had happened! There was no way I could accept it and I was honestly, absolutely unprepared for it!

How could my long awaited Johannes Brahms museum brushed past my shoulder just like that? I went around the nearby shops asking if there were other possible ways of entering the museum; I phoned the museum, buzzed the doorbell, but no, nothing changed.

I cried outside the museum, for a good whole 45 minutes!

I cried like a kid unable to grab her toy; I refused to leave; I couldn't bear to leave; and I was reluctant to leave!

After the long cry, though I wasn’t totally convinced, I had finally decided to come to term with reality. Anyway, there was absolutely nothing I could do on my side. My closest encounter with Brahms was at the entrance of the museum, a sculpture i could vaguely see through from the thick-glass door.

It was so near, yet seemed so far!!! :'(

My mood was dampened the whole day, and I was extremely extremely sad. However, at the back of my mind, I believed there must be a reason behind this entire encounter, about why I should miss this museum. I firmly believed.

There wasn’t any concrete reasoning at that point to support the way I felt, but I knew for sure there must be a reason which wasn’t explicitly made known to me at that particular moment - I might get to know it the very next minute or perhaps many years later, or even never at all. In whichever case, I believed there must be a reason.

Later that evening, I was scribbling on my diary when a thought suddenly dawned upon me – Brahms’s life had been unofficially ruled by the thought of ‘so near yet so far’, especially with his love for Clara Schumann. And by feeling so intensely about ‘so near yet so far’, I was actually getting a glimpse of his thoughts and a glimpse of the summary of his life!!!!!

That is, by not able to gain entry to his museum, I was actually a step closer to his world!

With that thought, I was thrilled, close to tears and was most thankful. :')

To travel from Hamburg to Vienna all by myself was a romantic dream comes true. I was extraordinarily pleased that I did it at that point of my life. It was something I had wanted to accomplish, and it was a dream fulfilled. It might not make sense to many people that Johannes Brahms was the only reason why I travelled that far, but I didn't think it matters.

What matter was I had always wanted to see what he had seen; had always wanted to walk where he had walked; wanted to coffee where he had coffeed and continue to love what he had loved...

I had also longed to get closer to him - his world, his thoughts, his emotions... And the ironic part was, all these were fulfilled only by not able to gain entry to his museum!

So, even though I wasn’t physically closer to his museum, I was emotionally closer to his thoughts and life. I'm contented enough.

I couldn't describe how thankful I was. And I still am :')

Footnote:
On my second visit, I finally get to go into the museum. That was 11 years later :')
~ Brahms Museum 2011